Yesterday I took my kids to the library and realized; huh, most of life’s problems could be solved right here within these very walls.
I’m serious! Great things happen when you take your kids to the library and sign out a whack load of books.
Here is what I believe to be the awesome life altering benefits of going to the library.
1. Kids are abnormally silent. I’m pretty sure they pump something out of the vents in that place because the instant we walked through the doors my overly chatty kids zipped it as fast as I could say..well.. “zip” it. And the tone came down about 10 decibels. If you aren’t quiet in the library you could very well get the worst “shushing” of your life. This isn’t like being “shushed’ at the movies or the opera…no this is way worse! Serious shushing smack down my friends…and onlookers will give you the: “Clearly you are a doofus!” eyes…eh..those are the worst eyes ever!
3. People slow down. Ever see someone running in a library? Of course not! Because that would be preposterous with repercussions way worse than shushing!
2. People smile at you. Have you noticed that everyone is very happy at the library? I think it’s because people feel like they are doing something worthwhile with their time. You could be late for any event on the planet and instantly get out of it by admitting you were at the library. Don’t misuse it though…cause then it’s just being late with a crappy lie that’s also kind of lamo.
3. It’s mentally healthy. Kind of like when you eat a bowl full of spinach doused with a non-fat, antioxidant dressing while running a marathon. I think going to the library offers the same health effects for your brain…but you have to eat the spinach while running. Don’t ask why…its just because.
4. Brain power increases. When you walk into the library you’re instantly smarter..it’s part of the law of osmosis. Being in the presence of all those books will make you really smart whether you read them or not. It’s true, I read that somewhere, while I was in the library.
5. It’s FREE!!! Don’t have a kid that likes to read? Doesn’t matter. Take them to the library. Once they hear the word free, they will load up as many books as their smudgy little hands can hold…and if they can’t hold them all, they will make YOU hold them.
6. You don’t have to pay late fees. Yep, that’s right. Those librarians are so happy to see you signing out books with your kids…being mentally healthy..trying to get smarter…setting a good example…they don’t care how many gazillion dollars you owe. You can always pay it next time. They’ll even throw out a few kudos about your awesome parenting. And the best part is when you do pay those fines, it goes back to the library as a donation! How bout that? Never have to feel bad…your guilt money gets put to great use!
See? If we all spent a little more time at the library, everyone would be calm, relaxed, happy, healthy, smart, wealthy, philanthropists.
World’s problems solved in a little ole nutshell I like to call the library.
Get over to one immediately…go on now…get!
**Just to clarify “Bossypants” is my book…it’s great, man hands and all!